McKena Harlen -- SEPTEMBER STUDENT OF THE MONTH

McKENA HARLEN --  SEPTEMBER 2015 STUDENT OF THE MONTH 

On Saturday, October 3, at its most recent Graduation ceremony held at Wyoming Area Catholic School, Barnes Martial Arts announced McKena Harlen as Student of the Month for September. She was also promoted to Advanced Gold Belt at the same ceremony.

McKena, age 5 ½, is a member of the Little Dragons program, a specialized course for children ages 4-7.

A Kindergarten student at Dana Street Elementary school in Forty Fort, she says her favorite subject is “the ABCs”.

In addition to Martial Arts, McKena lists soccer and hanging out with her friends as other interests.

McKena is a resident of Swoyersville, PA where she lives with her mother, Lorissa Senczakowicz and her step-father, Bill Thompson. Her father, Ryan Harlen is equally proud of her achieving the award and earning her promotion.

McKena initially began training in Martial Arts after experiencing bullying in school. “I don’t like people bullying me”, she said.

According to Master Gary R. Barnes, “McKena is a terrific student. She very quickly showed an aptitude for the physical part of the Art, but more importantly she has such a positive attitude and a bright, engaging personality. She is very curious, and very astute; she asks questions and really has a pretty deep insight for one so young. Talking to her before or after class is one of the highlights of my day. We chose McKena as Student of the Month for her consistent attendance, her dedication and her positive attitude.”

Students of the Month are chosen based on a variety of criteria, including: class participation, discipline, attitude, technique, personal conduct and how well they exemplify the Martial Arts in ALL areas of their lives, in and out of the studio.

Asked what is her favorite Martial Arts technique, McKena quickly and enthusiastically answered, “Ground fighting”

When asked if she had any advice for others who might be considering Martial Arts training, McKena responded, “You learn techniques to be safe; if you want to be safe you should take Martial Arts.”

What is The Gratitude Project?

What is The Gratitude Project?

For several months I have been discussing my thoughts with various students for a community action team that we have, subsequently, come to call the The Gratitude Project. It began as a germ of an idea, a persistent notion that our Studio was/could be more than just a place where people learned to punch and kick and grapple, -- there are already so many schools that fulfill that basic need -- more than just another faceless business. I had this inspiring thought that because of what we teach – our focus on educating people on the deeper lessons of the Arts and of humanity and character -- that we are uniquely poised to bring something ... more ... to our community.

Over time and through meetings with students, parents and some very engaged community volunteers like Louise Keller of the Domoestic Violence service Center, the idea began to evolve and finally crystallize.

Now, I’d like to take a few moments of your time to clearly share what The Gratitude Project is ... its purpose and its goals.

Although hosted by/at the Studio, The Gratitude Project is a completely separate entity from our regular physical Martial Arts curriculum. It is – or will be – comprised of students, parents and members of the community at large who are interested in building a legacy of Kindness, compassion, giving, service and helping those in need.

We do it out of a sense of gratitude for being able to serve, and because it the right thing to do. 

Everyone has a cause that matters to them. Maybe it is related to cancer, diabetes, heart health or some other health-related issue ... maybe it is humanitarian efforts, like helping flood or earthquake victims ... maybe your cause has to do with animal rights ... or going green ... or helping to stop bullying in all of its forms.

Whatever your passion, we want to work with you on it, to do something as a Team – a project – that means something to you and we want you to do it with Excellence.

Want to raise food to feed local hungry families?

Help the Humane Society get supplies or toys for sheltered animals?

Help a neighbor with small household repairs?
Mow a lawn?

Shovel snow for the elderly (not now, of course, but, like, in the winter!!)?

Raise funds for a local charitable organization?

It doesn’t matter whether the cause is large or small, local or national in scope. If it is important to you, it is important to the The Gratitude Project. If every one of us did just one project that touched our hearts, imagine how much better our world would be. Now imagine if we put together a group of like-minded, dedicated people – people like YOU and me – who were committed to making that kind of involvement a regular part of their lives, to making Kindness and contribution a habit. Can you envision the difference they could make?

It seems that we always find the time to do the things we want to do, the FUN stuff – video games, sports, hanging with our friends. What if doing good things for others could be just as much fun?

NOW IT CAN!

Our vision is not to have boring, stuffy, dull meetings. Yes, we still teach and learn valuable leadership skills that carry into other areas of our lives (more on that in a bit) but we do it by getting together once or twice a month (maybe more, if a particular project requires) for a Gratitude Project party!! Think of it as a high-energy, fun-filled, positive, motivational atmosphere – with refreshments and exciting activities and exercises to develop teamwork and leadership!

The value of any Team is found in its members and in its mission. The Gratitude Project is designed to be an outlet where members identify a need or a cause; plan and design a project as a group; document each step through the use of video and the written word; and implement their project through direct action.

The Team revolves around Project Based Leadership – that is, we actively develop practical leadership skills that Team members can put into a portfolio or a resume and use in other endeavors like school, sports, or career. Beyond that, though, these are viable, hands-on skills that instill the values of contribution, kindness, giving back. As it grows and develops over time, The Gratitude Project will function to allow more experienced members to serve in a mentoring capacity; this is yet another skill our young people can carry forward in their lives.

As you can see, serving on the Project benefits the members as well as the community.  

This is an opportunity for students, parents and members of the community to get off the couch, turn off the TV or computer, come together and do something that has genuine meaning to them and create a forum to inspire people and make a real difference.

Lastly, what identifies a team as a team? A uniform, of course. That is why, as the Team grows and evolves, as the members knit together, we are eventually looking to provide t-shirts with our Team logo in order to unify us.

We would love for YOU to become a part of our Team.

PLEASE SEE MASTER BARNES IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY

THE ULTIMATE BLACK BELT TEST

The following article was written by Tom Callos, a Martial Artist whom I have looked up to for many years. Tom is a 6th degree Black Belt and for the last year and a half or so, I have considered him my mentor. I speak with him frequently, not only about ideas for growing the school, but how to make the studio a more relevant, contributing presence in our community. 
Tom has a unique view on the Martial Arts -- one which I share. We both believe that Martial Arts is a singular vehicle for personal transformation.

Tom created the concept of the Ultimate Black Belt Test with, I believe, the intention of showing the widest possible potential for the Martial Arts to affect change, personally, professionally, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. To my knowledge, nothing of this breadth or scope has ever been attempted in the industry; it is a return to authenticity.

It is my goal to participate in an upcoming UBBT.  

I hope you enjoy his thoughts on the Ultimate Black Belt Test. 

Curriculum for The Ultimate Black Belt Test 2016

By Tom Callos

First, An Overview of What the UBBT Seeks to Accomplish

If I begin with the end in mind, one of Stephen Covey’s "7 Habits of Highly Effective People from the book of the same name, I can tell you almost exactly what I’m looking for from participants in The Ultimate Black Belt Test (UBBT):

I’m looking for a complete physical transformation from those members who come to the test with a need for that. I expect every participant to use the year (or longer) that they engage the UBBT to come out of it in the best shape of their life --or as close as they are able to come to it. To transform oneself physically, in a way that isn’t unhealthy or unwise, requires careful scrutiny of diet, exercise, rest, and training methods --and I want UBBT graduates to be able to show their students, their community, and the international martial arts community that they know, from experience, how to engage and facilitate physical transformation. The ultimate black belt would be / should be a living example of the physical benefits of their practice.

Members of the UBBT must have extraordinary and/or highly polished martial arts skills. I have no attachment to any style or method, so I don’t care if someone practices aikido, karate, jiu-jitsu, judo, taekwondo, or MMA, participants must come to the final exam with thousands of hours of practice under their belt. Regardless of the physical talent of any martial artist, every black belt can find what they love to do and do well and bring that game to their UBBT. Without extraordinary martial arts skills developed through the shedding of blood, sweat, and tears, there would be nothing “ultimate” about the Ultimate Black Belt Test.

The impact of the UBBT on a participant must, in part, be measured by the way the test affects the people in the tester’s sphere of influence. The ultimate test isn’t one that affects the tester alone, but that radiates out from the participant to have an impact on his or her family, friends, students, teachers, community, and ideally, to the international martial arts community. If you have an “amazing” test, one where you get in fantastic shape, where you set and meet many of your personal goals, and where you look the part of a serious and seriously trained martial artist, then you’ve achieved only a small fraction of what the UBBT is about. The ultimate test is measured by how what you put yourself through affects others.

The UBBT must engage the participant in new learning and/or the exploration of things presently unknown or unexplored. The ultimate test isn’t a rehashing of old skills or staying in the comfort zone of things without risk, the UBBT is to be used as a catalyst for new adventures and learning.

A participant in the UBBT must work in the realm of things important. I’m looking for accomplishment and/or program development involving environmental issues, sustainable living, health, diet, fitness training, social issues of importance, bully prevention, suicide prevention, art and design, architecture, and or any of the many subjects ignored, shunned, or otherwise absent from the martial arts community as it is today. I expect each UBBT member to champion one or more projects and/or subjects that enlighten, educate, cultivate, and expand the international martial arts community’s understanding of what the martial arts are --and how they can be used for good, out of the dojo and in the world.

Each UBBT member must make their test process public and as transparent as they are capable. Each tester must journal their progress or lack thereof, their victories and mistakes, and how their practice manifests itself in small daily actions. Without test transparency the members of the UBBT have little or no chance to use their own test process to affect the quality and/or practices of martial artists and others who live outside the realm of direct observation. In the end, the UBBT is a program designed to bring new ideas and practices to the international martial arts community, through the cultivation of transformation in the individuals engaged in the program.

A Review

Physical transformation + highly developed martial arts skills + impact on others + new learning and experiences + expanding the work to things important + transparent testing / journaling = a platform for the practices the tester engages in to create the ultimate test.

BARBARA LEWIS -- June 2015 Student of the Month

On Wednesday, July 8 Barbara Lewis was chosen as Student of the Month for June 2015. 

Barbara, age 49, has been a member of the Adult Program since coming to the Studio following a self-defense seminar held at McCann School of Business and Technology in Wilkes-Barre. Barbara enrolled her daughter at the Studio after the seminar. Her own involvement came when she was challenged by her daughter, Emma.

“Emma told me, if I can do this so can you,” says Barbara.

In addition to Martial Arts, Barbara, a resident of Plains, PA lists reading and meditation as other interests.

According to Master Barnes, “Barbara was chosen as Student of the Month for a number of reasons: her enthusiasm for self-defense, which is her favorite part of class; her positive attitude; her willingness to accept and overcome challenges; her participation in every community event and monthly Kindness Mission; she is very tenacious when it comes to learning new techniques and concepts, never settling until she completely understands. Perhaps the most significant reason, though, is the massive personal transformation she experienced as a result of her training. When Barb first came to us, she was very quiet, almost shy, and not very engaged in the class; as time passed, however, and she became aware of her own inner strength, her confidence grew and she really came out of her shell. So much so, that the other students now refer to her as The Barbinator!”

Students of the Month are chosen based on a variety of criteria, including: class participation, discipline, attitude, technique, personal conduct and how well they exemplify the Martial Arts in ALL areas of their lives, in and out of the studio.

When asked if she had any advice for others who might be considering Martial Arts training, Barbara responded, “Don’t just think about doing something; do it. Just because you think you can’t do something today, doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do it tomorrow. Don’t compare yourself to others. Always strive to make your tomorrow better than your best today.”

Great advice, Barb!! Congratulations!!

Are YOU a Bully (Part TWO)?

Bullying hurts.

It is NOT a joke.

It is NOT just kids being kids.

Bullying is cruel and leaves scars.

Bullying behavior is LEARNED behavior.

Bullies DON’T just appear out of the blue.

Bullying IS violence.

The following are quotes from actual bully victims (for reasons of privacy, only first names are used where available):

"I don't want to go to school anymore. They make my life hell. No-one listens. I want to end it all" --  Ray, age 14

"It's been a very hard experience. The boys are the bad people. I don't care about them, and they're going to get the punishment they deserve," -- Austin, a 16 year old autistic high school student who was duct taped to a football goal post, abandoned, and screamed for 22 minutes until help finally arrived.

"There were times when I'd just sit outside by myself at recess, just sit outside and pick at the grass, because I felt like the world hated me." -- Trish, now 31 years old, was bullied throughout her middle and high school years. Her abuse ranged from kids calling her "Tissue" and wiping their noses on her clothing, to her "best friend" punching her, to even her cousins and sister forming a club they called "W.H.E.A.T." — "We Hate Everything About Trish"

"It makes me feel bad and rather depressed. Like I don't want to be a part of this world any more." -- Anonymous, age 13, victim of cyber-bullying.

"I got messages from people telling me to kill myself and saying that the world would be better off without me and that everybody hated me. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I lost all self esteem and became paranoid about people. I couldn't trust anyone because I found out that even some of the people who had been nice to me at a school had begun to send me abusive messages anonymously online,"  -- Natalie, age 15, whose bullying became so intense that she contemplated suicide.

"I was one of the odd ones out. The school did nothing." -- Sawyer, now 18, was punched in the back by a bully so hard that it brought him to his knees. Two days later, because of the pain, he was hospitalized; doctors informed him and his family that the punch likely caused the spinal blood clot which paralyzed him from the waist down.

"They make fun of my weight, and my clothes like they're pajamas. My class cut up my Tinkerbell shirt, now it has a big hole in it. I try to tell them to stop but they won't stop, they always push me down. It's really hard for me to take all that bullying. When they push me and make me sad and feel bad, it's really mean. I want to kill myself." -- Mariyah, age 7

I have included the quotes above, from the victims themselves in order to illustrate just how gravely serious the consequences of bullying can be. How severe does a behavior have to be that a 7 year old child thinks about taking their own life?

Part One of this series asked the hard question: "Are YOU a bully?"

I think it is important, before continuing, to read and then re-read the words of the victims. Because what a bully sees as "fun" can have devastating effects.

In light of the words of the victims, another sobering question must be asked: "Do you want to be the cause of someone's death?"

Bullying can kill, and has. Victims of bullying are 2-9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University. A study in Britain found that at least 50% of suicides among young people were related to bullying. The same study determined that 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide. According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying. Bully-related suicide -- which is so prevalent that it has been termed "bullycide" -- can be connected to any type of bullying, including physical bullying, emotional bullying, cyber-bullying, and sexting.

In “Are YOU a Bully (Part ONE)”, we explained that bullies may see their behavior as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge.

As a refresher, here are a few more questions to consider in determining if you have ever behaved in a bullying manner.

Have you ever repeatedly:

• Called someone names?
• Physically hurt someone on purpose (hitting, kicking, punching etc)?
• Used your size to intimidate or threaten others?
• Made fun of people you perceive as different?
• Made fun of a person’s culture or religion?
• Laughed at someone because they have a disability?
• Said nasty things about another person’s weight, hair color, skin color or clothes?
• Taken someone else’s belongings?
• Damaged or destroyed someone else’s property?
• Spread rumors about someone?
• Said nasty things about someone behind their back?
• Purposely not invited someone to go out with you and your friends?
• Excluded someone from your group on purpose?
• Made someone cry on purpose?
• Sent someone nasty or threatening emails or texts?
• Posted mean or unkind comments about another person on a social networking site (Instagram, SnapChat, Twitter, Facebook, etc)?
• Laughed at someone who is being picked on?
• Are you jealous of the person you are bullying?
• Worried about something that may be happening in your own life?
• Being mistreated by someone in your life?
• Are you hanging around with other bullies and want to fit in?
• Do you like the feeling of power bullying gives you?
• Do you think bullying someone makes you popular?
• Are you being bullied yourself and taking it out on someone else?
• Have you ever bullied someone, then denied it to a parent, teacher or authority figure? Even if they may have seen you do it?
• Have you ever threatened to harm someone if they reported your behavior? 

If you answered “Yes” to any of the above questions, then, by definition you have engaged in bullying behavior, and you need to think about why you do these things.

In class, we have discussed various possible reasons for bullying behavior.

They are:

• Some bullies seek attention ... even negative attention means someone is noticing them
• To steal things from others
• To make others afraid of them ... this gives a sense of power
• Some are jealous of the person they are bullying
• Many bullies may even be being bullied themselves
• Many bullies have had a bad experience themselves or they feel unhappy and/or insecure with their lives.
• Some bullies live abusive home lives
• And a few bullies may not even understand how wrong their behavior is and how it makes the sufferer feel. 

Of course, none of these things excuses a bully’s behavior. Understanding the underlying cause, however, can sometimes help in solving the situation.

Bullying can be likened to addiction; bullies become addicted to the power and control they have over others. That desire for power and control not only leads to negative attention, but may lead to much bigger trouble later in life. Research has shown that by the age of 24, bullies are 60% more likely to have a criminal record than any other group (Andy Tomko, You Big Bully, 2005). I don't know of anyone who willingly seeks out this type of life for themselves.

There is always hope for those who are willing to seek help. Those who recognize the error of their ways and are willing to make the effort to change and become better deserve respect, support, and encouragement.

As with any problem, admitting it is the first step. Own your behavior. Admit to yourself that what you are doing to others is wrong. Accept responsibility and reach out to someone and ask for assistance. Talk to your parents ... a teacher ... your Martial Arts instructor ... a school counselor. Talking about what you are doing brings it into the light; it may help you understand why you are doing it and provide an opportunity to change.

If bullying has become habitual -- that is, you have engaged in it for a considerable length of time -- it may not be easy to just stop. However, be patient and keep reminding yourself that you are doing the right thing and it will not only make a huge difference in your life but in the lives of those you once bullied.

If you have engaged in bullying behavior, regardless of the reason, you need to reach out for help. AND, YES, YOU CAN CHANGE.

Here are a few things that you may find helpful in changing your behavior:

• Talk to someone -- a parent, guardian, teacher, etc. -- and tell them how you feel; be completely honest
• Apologize to the person(s) you have been bullying. Out of anger or fear, they may not immediately accept your apology, and that is OK. It is your effort that is important, as long as it is sincere and you truly mean it. 
• Stop hanging around with other bullies ... even if you think of them as "friends" being around them is not healthy, and it will be too easy for you to be drawn back into negative behavior.
• Join a local youth club or sports team ... not only is the physical effort a good, healthy outlet for any pent up aggression, but sports teach teamwork and how to productively interact with peers
• Make new friends ... if you are cutting out the negative people in your life, seek out positive influences.
• Set goals, such as being friendly to everyone you meet or not being nasty or hurting anyone; if bullying is a habit, so is kindness and compassion. The more you exercise those healthy qualities, the stronger and more natural they will become.
• Talk to your friends -- your real friends -- and ask them to help you stop
• Do some volunteer work -- read to someone in a nursing home; pick up trash in the neighborhood; help out in the school counseling office; give talks about how not to be a bully. These are great ways to practice kindness, compassion, respect and to build a better self-image. 
  
  In conclusion, having read the words of the victims, and understanding the fear and pain with which they live  ... having asked yourself the difficult questions ... and realizing that bullying behavior may end lives, there is still hope.
  
  Even if you are a bully, you Can change ... and Barnes Martial Arts is here to help.

Are YOU a Bully? (Part ONE)

A great deal of time in our Studio is spent educating students on how to identifying bullies, understanding why people bully, how to properly respond to a bully, and even how to physically defend against a bully. 

One question that we address at Barnes Martial Arts that is frequently overlooked by most Martial Arts schools when speaking with their students is: "Are you a bully?" 

As educators we all want to believe that our own students are as pure as can be, that any threat to their classmates solely exists somewhere "out there". After all, no one would dare bully someone in a Martial Arts studio, would they? Sadly, although it is a very rare occurrence, that is, despite our best intentions, not always the case. The truth is bullies can exist wherever people interact. Disappointingly, over my 34 years in the Martial Arts I have unfortunately witnessed students bully others on the mats, in the dressing rooms, and in the parking lot outside the school. 

Barnes Martial Arts prides itself on being a "Bully-Free Zone", and I firmly believe that, thankfully, none of our students fits the profile, but it is wise, nonetheless, to address the issue as part of an overall program of preparedness. 

Bullying, as we are all aware, is a threat to the mental, physical, and psychological safety of children (and adults, for that matter); study after study has shown that the effects of bullying can last long after the behavior has stopped, even into adulthood (see: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/20/effects-of-bullying-last-into-adulthood-study-finds/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=1). 

So ... if you are a Martial Arts student (or parent of a student) and are unsure of whether you may be a bully at school or elsewhere, the following questions will help you reflect on your behavior and that of others around you. 

(1) DO I KNOW WHAT BULLYING IS ?

According to Center for Disease Control (CDC) guidelines, bullying is “any unwanted aggressive behavior(s) … that involves an observed or perceived power imbalance and is repeated multiple times or is highly likely to be repeated.” This dovetails with the definition that we use at the Studio, which comes from Master Dave Kovar's excellent organization, Martial Artists Against Bullying (http://donewithbullying.com) and their "Done With Bullying" program: "Bullying is when someone tries to deliberately hurt other people with words or actions. In order for something to truly be considered bullying, it must be intentional AND repetitive. Without these two words, anything could be labeled as bullying." 

(2) DO I DERIVE PLEASURE FROM WATCHING OR CAUSING OTHERS TO FAIL?

Bullies put people down in order to lift themselves up. They are trying to fit in and feel that bullying is the way to do it. They try to feel like more, by making others feel like less. If you like seeing classmates mess up a task, you will be less likely to be supportive of others’ successes and more inclined to ignore their feelings. 

(3) HOW IS MY LISTENING?

Do you listen carefully when people are talking or do you think mostly about how you will respond? When someone else is speaking, do you think to yourself (or say out loud): "Who cares? I just wish you'd shut up." Listening, with empathy and concern, is a good guard against bullying. Why is listening in this way important? Because, if you care about how your actions affect others, you are less likely to act in a way that hurts them.

(4) DO I WANT TO BE THOUGHT OF AS TOUGH? 

How important to you is that your reputation is one of dominance and strength? If your reputation is largely built around your perceived strength over others, that is a serious problem. You are more likely to put yourself above them. Despite what a bully may believe, physically exerting oneself, hurting others, pushing, shoving, hitting, threatening violence, to get what you want is not a sign of toughness. On the contrary, it is an indicator of both fear, and a weakness of character.

Remember, true strength is measured in honesty, respect, confidence, trustworthiness, kindness, and compassion.

(5) DO I EXERCISE POWER OVER OTHERS JUST BECAUSE I CAN?

Sometimes bullies have an attitude that they call all the shots, that others must listen to them and do what they say or suffer the bully's anger. Do you boss others around? Do you like the feeling that someone has to do what you say? This is a serious warning sign. A better behavior is to become a friend rather than a dictator. 

(6) DO I BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY, OR TREAT OTHERS DIFFERENTLY WHEN YOU ARE BEING WATCHED BY A PARENT, TEACHER, OR AUTHORITY FIGURE? 

If you call people names, push them, invade their personal space, insult them, or cause them embarrassment when you think no one is looking, that is bullying behavior. Many bullies are sneaky and will only act out when they think there is no chance of being caught. You may think that they are cowards for acting this way, but it is an indicator of manipulative behavior. Bullies will frequently act friendly with their victims in front of teachers or parents, only to harass or hurt them the minute the teacher is out of sight.

Fortunately, the Martial Arts studio is small enough that the Master Instructor, Junior Leaders, and others can observe most behavior at all times. 

(7) HOW IS MY SENSE OF HUMOR?

Everyone loves to laugh and have a good time. A good sense of humor can bring people together. But jokes that focus on reinforcing one's supposed superiority over someone else are harmful. Jokes about somebody’s race or ethnicity; a physical or mental disability; making fun of someone who cannot afford expensive clothing; or that exploit common stigmas such as being poor, wearing glasses, or any number of factors is unacceptable. Even if the person being joked about appears to be in on it, know that it can often be difficult for them and/or bystanders -- due to fear or embarrassment -- to call out unfunny and mean jokes. They may laugh to mask the pain. And because determining that can be difficult , it is best to avoid inappropriate humor altogether.

A bully listens only for the laugh and derives pleasure from the pain or humiliation of others. 

(8) AM I A CYBER BULLY?

Before you send that Facebook message, or post that tweet, consider three important

rules of online social interaction:

1. Don’t say anything in writing you would not -- or should not -- say in person.

2. Remember it is hard to determine tone, intention, humor, or sarcasm in text form. 

3. Do not ever post someone else’s words or images without his/her permission. There is a saying that "The Internet is forever". What you post as a joke today, can cause someone pain for years. 

(9) HOW DO I SOLVE PROBLEMS? 

It’s inevitable -- and normal -- that you will eventually have problems with other people. Bullies may often avoid respectful solutions -- like discussion -- to problems; relying instead on force or control. They may manipulate others against the victim; they may be aggressive; or they may put others down if they don't get their way. Sometimes the insult may be spoken behind someone’s back, but it still establishes destructive behaviors by influencing other and possibly turning them against the bully's target.

It requires bravery and honesty -- characteristics that many bullies lack -- to deal with a problem directly. Bullies look for the easy way out: violence, threats, non-communication.

(10) DO I PERSUADE OR COERCE?

One can be can be assertive and well-spoken in one's point of view without resorting to manipulation or games to get what one wants. If you think that somebody is wrong or your idea is better, be persuasive, but not coercive. Persuasive means saying, "I think I have a good idea and here are the reasons that we might want to consider it." Coercion says, "We are going to do things my way ... or else."

Only a bully uses force or threats to get their way. Instead, be confident enough to be clear with your side of things and kind and open enough to listen to others’ views. The best ideas should win, not just yours.

If any of these questions made you pause and think about how you treat others, consider speaking with your parents or reaching out to a teacher.

It is never to late to make your life bully-free ... even if the bully is us.

Feature Article in the Times-Leader

Our Studio -- and our monthly Kindness Missions -- was featured in the Saturday, April 18 edition of the Times-Leader.

Overall I felt it was a very positive article and successfully illustrated that we are more than just kicking and punching.

Martial Arts Students Practice Monthly Acts of Kindness

How Are You Using Your 86,400?

Imagine there is a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400. However, there are certain rules.

RULE #1 -- Everything that you didn't spend each day would be taken away from you. The bank carries over no balance from day to day.

RULE #2 -- You may not simply transfer money into some other account. You may only spend it. The next morning, upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400 for that day.

RULE #3 -- The bank can end the process without warning; at any time it can say, “It’s over”. It can close the account and you will not receive a new one.

What would you personally do? Would you withdraw every cent? Buy anything and everything you wanted not only for yourself, but for all of the people you love? Maybe even for people you don't know -- because, of course, you couldn't possibly spend it all on yourself? Would you help the less fortunate or hoard it all? Or would you just leave the money alone and not touch it at all? Would you ignore the daily deposits and nightly deletions?

The fact is that each of us is already in possession of such a magical bank; we just can't seem to see it; or if we see it, we appear to take it for granted that it will always be there.

The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!

Every morning, we are credited with 86,400 seconds – one full day. Every night, the amount of time that we have failed to invest to a good purpose is written off as a loss; never to be recovered. No balance of time is carried over to the next day. And time allows no over draft. Each day a new account is opened for you. Each night the remains of the day are burned away. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours.

You can never recover the time that has passed. 

You must live in the present on today's deposits. Invest it so as to get from it the utmost in happiness, and health.

Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank (Life, if you will) can dissolve your account at any time ... without warning. None of us is ever guaranteed a new day. We have only this moment.

So, what will you do with your 86,400 seconds? Aren't they worth so much more than the same amount in dollars?

Enjoy every second of your life; use it wisely.

The clock is ticking, my friends.

Make the most of today – it is the only time you have.

You Are Only as Big or as Good as Your Vision

Any Martial Arts studio can teach a student to kick and punch. Unfortunately, that is all some of them do.

I have given 34 years of my life to exploring, training in and teaching the varied arts that I love; I have seen and experienced firsthand the incredible transformational power that can come when they are properly taught and studied.

That is why it deeply pains me to see that, for so many studios, ego has taken over and the driving force has become all about how much money the owner can make (charging hundreds of dollars/month in tuition, using hard-sell tactics, and constantly hyping "program upgrades"), how many "world champions" or so-called "black belts" or they generate (often too quickly and while charging exorbitant test fees, to the detriment of both the student and the art), how many trophies line their front windows, etc. They nominate and elect themselves to meaningless, ridiculous martial arts "Halls of Fame". In the pursuit of money, trophies, glory, or self-aggrandizement they have either forgotten or deliberately abandoned the deeper lessons of the Martial Arts.

While that appears to increasingly be the norm, I'd like to think Barnes Martial Arts students are part of something more intelligent.

They know that fighting is absolutely the last resort, the final option.

They are aware that their actions and behaviors affect their families, their friends, their neighborhoods and their world in ways both positive and negative. They strive on a daily basis to maximize their positive impact while minimizing the negative. 

To that end, our students undertake various projects each month that serve to expand the reach of the lessons they are learning. Here are just a few samples of the Missions (some completed, some ongoing) at Barnes Martial Arts --

• Work toward the elimination of bullying in our local schools by offering classes, seminars and specialized programs that focus on educating students, the public and school administrators and teachers on how to identify, deal with and safely intervene with bullying behavior.

• Work toward the elimination of Domestic Violence in Luzerne County (and elsewhere) by offering free workshops, clinics and self-defense seminars.

• Monthly Kindness Missions -- everything from cleaning up our neighborhoods, to painting Kindness Rocks, to working with charitable organizations like the ALS Association.

• Annual Toy and Clothing Drives to help those in need.

• Working with the Al Beech/West Side Food Pantry to feed hundreds of hungry local families in our area

• Organizing a Card & Letter Campaign for Blake Kitchen, a 12 year old autistic Missouri boy who was severely beaten by a school bully.

• Finding and recognizing local heroes (upcoming)

• Group participation in the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge organized in 2014 in memory of my fiancé’s father Ray Williams, to raise awareness of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, often referred to as "Lou Gehrig's Disease," a progressive neuro-degenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord.

• April 2015 -- Spring planting campaign. It doesn't matter what they plant -- a tree, herbs, vegetables or flowers -- they are spreading Life and that is Kindness. 

Our goal – the likes of which has never been attempted before in Northeast PA – is nothing less than the complete redefinition of the concept of self-defense and the role of the Martial Arts studio – and Martial Arts student -- in the community.

First, we must accept that true self-defense comes from safeguarding ourselves from anything that would harm our mind, body, or spirit. Considering that cardio-vascular disease and diabetes, for example, kill far more people in the United States than do violent street encounters or roving bands of sword-wielding ninjas, it is not an exaggeration to suggest that the food we eat, what we drink and other substances that we put into our bodies are as much factors of self-defense as knowing how to throw a powerful, knockout punch or a devastating kick. 

Next, positivity goes hand-in-hand with Kindness and Compassion.  These are the deeper lessons that we teach; these ideas may be considered as “self-defense of the Spirit.”

Each of our students embodies the commitment to becoming a meaningful, contributing part of their/our community. They realize that the true nature of the training transcends the physical; the act of punching and kicking is merely a vehicle to a deeper understanding of lessons on life and living.

They understand that we are all part of one world and it is our duty, as individuals, to leave that world in a better state than we found it, to steward it for future generations. You might call that “community” or “environmental” self-defense.

The same goes for our mental "nutrition". We must defend our minds as much as our bodies, perhaps more. How different would our day -- indeed, our very lives -- be if we awoke each morning with a heart full of joy, grateful for simply being alive? What successes and benefits would we enjoy if we greeted the morning with a smile on our face? What consequence would we experience if, before we took on the day, we sat for just a moment on the side of our bed and gave silent thanks for 5 or 10 things in our lives?

Attitude does determine our altitude -- in Martial Arts, education, business, and in Life. Of course, it isn't always easy to stay positive in a world that often seems pitted against us. But really, what other choice is there? 

Negativity sets the tone for our day -- we see everything as a curse; the world is out to get us; the Universe hates us. We say destructive things to ourselves like, "This is just my luck" or "I am such a loser", until, like weeds, those thoughts, take root, germinate and grow, eventually dominating not only our behavior but our very identity.

Is that any way to live? By contrast, a positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, reactions, events, behaviors and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.

I often say that our Studio is "small, but we are mighty." The reasons listed above are proof of that.

As Martial Artists we have a greater responsibility to each other. Compassion is one of the fundamental capacities of what it means to be an evocative, instrumental member of one's community, and the world at large. More than that, for Martial Artists it represents balance and harmony. It is not enough for us to learn how to damage people without also learning how to reach out and help them. Too often, Martial Arts studios -- even here in NEPA -- focus on the closed fist rather than the open hand.

This is why it is so important to our identity as a Studio that our students all become engaged in our ongoing efforts to spread Kindness, to set the example that Martial Artists are more than just fighters, and to truly take these lessons ... “Out of the Dojo, Into the World”.

Thank you for your continuing efforts to help us redefine the role of what it means to be a Martial Arts school in our contemporary world, to set the bar higher than it has ever been set locally.

By aligning with our wider, deeper Vision, together we can truly accomplish great things.

March 2015 Student of the Month -- BRAYDEN ISAACS

On Tuesday, March 31, Brayden Isaacs, age 5, was chosen as Student of the Month.

He is a member of the Little Dragons Program, a specialized age-appropriate class for children ages 4-7. 

Brayden is a Kindergarten student at St. Nicholas/St. Mary’s in Wilkes-Barre, where his favorite teacher is Mrs. Al-Saigh. According to Brayden, his favorite thing to do in school is “having recess”.

He lives in Kingston with his parents, Dennis Isaacs and Mary Sweeney.

Brayden has been attending Barnes Martial Arts for about eight months and he has attained the rank of Advanced Gold Belt, 2nd stripe. His favorite part of class is a self-defense technique called “The Shield”. 

According to Master Barnes, “Brayden was chosen as Student of the Month for a number of reasons: he is incredibly focused -- it really stands out among kids his age; he is very smart -- he asks some of the best questions; his enthusiasm for training is off the charts; his positive attitude; extraordinary attendance – he almost never misses a class; he participates in every community event and monthly Kindness Mission. Brayden is an exemplary student in every sense and, to me, he is an outstanding example of what a Student of the Month should represent!”

In addition to Martial Arts, he lists his other interests as playing soccer and video games.  

Students of the Month are chosen based on a variety of criteria, including: class participation, discipline, attitude, technique, personal conduct and how well they exemplify the Martial Arts in ALL areas of their lives, in and out of the studio.

When asked if he had any advice for other kids who were thinking of pursuing Martial Arts training, Brayden responded, “Do it because it is fun.”

Barnes Martial Arts is located at 1366 Murray Street in Forty Fort, PA.