Making Kindness a Mission

At Barnes Martial Arts we do more than pay lip-service to being kind to others ... we walk the talk. Kindness changes lives -- it can ease the pain of sickness; lift one out of a blue mood; change the course of a bad day; and a gentle smile or an act of kindness and compassion has been known to literally save lives.

That is why, each month, in conjunction with the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation -- a NATIONAL organization dedicated to spreading the message that Kindness can change the world -- our Studio has committed to undertake a "Kindness Mission".

Each Mission will be a project or activity that we will perform AS A GROUP, as a school, and that will have a wide-ranging impact on our community.

It doesn't have to be complicated or a huge gesture to accomplish this, but it DOES have to be something for which there is a NEED. Kindness can take many forms, grand or subtle -- helping someone carry groceries; holding a door for another person; a compliment; organizing a fundraising event for someone suffering from an illness; rebuilding a neighborhood after a natural disaster; smiling at someone who is having a terrible day. 

A big community like ours means a big opportunity to make a big difference.

For instance, our March Kindness Mission Theme was: "Community!" On Saturday, March 29, thirteen volunteers gathered at the Studio at 10:00 AM to clean up Murray Street.

It was a dreary overcast day, and we defied the rain, splitting into two groups; one headed up Murray street toward Kingston, the other group heading down Murray street toward Swoyersville. We started out by walking up one side of the street, then when we got to the end, we crossed over to the other side and worked our way back to the Studio.

It took us just under two hours to clean the streets, sidewalks, and even a few front yards along the way. And, oh the things we found!! -- paper, plastic bottles, loose change, a pool noodle, monopoly money, about 10 million cigarette butts, a bone (!) and ... a "lobster" (ask the kids!). 

I have NEVER seen kids get so excited about cleaning up trash!!

By the time it was over, we had filled two and a half 33-gallon garbage bags!! 

Afterward, back at Barnes Martial Arts everyone got to enjoy delicious pizza and soda, kindly donated by Pizza Bella in Forty Fort. They heard about our Kindness Mission and went above and beyond!! My sincerest thanks also to Pizza Bella! You guys rock!

So I just want to say thank you, one more time, to all of our students and their families who made our first Kindness Mission such a success. It was a LOT of work, but it was worth it because we really helped to make our community a better place. I am proud to be your teacher. 
We may be a small studio, but we are mighty!!

In the months to come, as we continue to grow as a school, we will take on new and exciting Kindness Missions. By making Kindness a habit, we have a direct influence on the future. 

Here are a few pictures from the event. More pictures and details can be found on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/barnesmartialarts

Who Inspires You?

We live in a world that, unfortunately, tends to deify celebrity. The opinions thoughts, and actions of actors, singers, and sports figures are weighted disproportionately to the rest of us. These people are held up as heroes and role models -- and yet their behaviors and lifestyles (drinking, drug use, general disrespect) are often incongruent with the position we have assigned them.

I am inspired by very few so-called "celebrities" -- Chuck Norris and His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama are the only two who come immediately to mind. 

A number of people inspire me in different ways -- my daughter, my parents, my fiance, my students, to name a few. In general, most of the folks whom I look up to are "real people", people you might actually meet at any given time. They inspire me with their strength; their attitude; their ability to overcome adversity; and the things they've done -- and continue to do -- with their lives.  They tend not to seek out the spotlight, and as a consequence, you may not have heard of them.

Tom Callos is a man whom I greatly admire.

We share a similar vision for the Martial Arts. THIS is what we strive for in our small dojo.

On Bullies

Tyler Clementi, 18, Rutgers University; jumped to his death from the George Washington bridge … Larry Weinberg, 17, of Trenton, NJ hung himself with a leather belt … Jessica Logan, 18, Sycamore High School student asphyxiated herself … Jessica Train, 15, a pupil at Monkseaton High School in North Tyneside, Wallsend, England hanged herself … Phoebe Prince, a 15-year-old South Hadley High School student hanged herself ... Hope Witsell, 13, a student at Beth Shields Middle School in Ruskin, FL, hanged herself from her bunk bed … 14 year old Samantha Kelly of New Boston, Michigan and a student at Huron High School in southwest Detroit, hanged herself … Jamarcus Bell, 14, a freshman at Hamilton Southeastern High School, Fishers, IN took his own life … Asher Brown, 13, of Cypress, TX and a student at Hamilton Middle school in Houston shot himself with his father's handgun.

All of these kids were bullied by their peers, or subjected to harassment at the hands of classmates. All are dead as a result of this treatment. Unfortunately, they are just a few of the hundreds that have taken their own lives in recent years. Boys and girls alike are equally bullied.

Make no mistake: It is not a rite of passage. 

It is not "kids being kids."

And it is leading to tragedy in numbers greater than ever before. We cannot and should not expect kids to “just suck it up.” 

When speaking with school children about bullies and bullying, and how the study of Martial Arts contains specific benefits not found elsewhere, I use a personal story to illustrate my point.

My story.  

Upon graduating high school -- where I, like the kids above, had been tormented mercilessly -- I thought I had finally left my problems behind me. I thought I was free. 

That turned out not to be the case. 

My father had secured a job for me in the garage of a local trucking company run by one of his friends. It was my first real job, and one of my responsibilities was to fuel the big trucks as they came in to the lot. Late one afternoon a driver, agitated from some problem that occurred on the road, decided to vent his anger on the nearest available person … me. I do not recall the exact details of the argument that followed, but I do remember vividly that as the exchange became heated he hit me – a solid open-handed blow across the side of my head that sent me reeling. I also remember the rage that came over me, brought about by years of similar treatment in school. I was overcome by tears of frustration. But this was a trucking company, where “Real Men” don’t cry; and he laughed. 

That was all it took.

I blindly hit back. At the time it didn’t register that I had probably made a huge mistake, since – like many bullies -- he was substantially larger. Fists flew from both sides and it took several of the other workers to separate us and finally remove me to the front parking lot … more for my safety than his. 

My head spun as much from the sudden flood of memories as from the trucker’s slap. It was as if I was back in school. I could not live like this any longer. If I didn’t do something – now – I was condemning myself to being a lifelong victim. Within half an hour I was on the phone with the only Martial Arts studio near where I lived. I made an appointment that would change my life.

Upon meeting the man who was to become my instructor, I was intimidated. A stern taskmaster, he possessed all the charm and demeanor of a drill sergeant. I nearly walked out the building, not recognizing much difference between his actions and the actions of those who had tormented me. Yet, as I watched the class, I was riveted. I was determined to join. 

I wanted revenge; I wanted to be tougher. And I knew -- I knew -- this was the way to achieve it. I made my decision and enrolled.

The training was harsh – the toughest thing I had ever done in my life – sometimes even brutal. Today most Martial Arts studios are well-lit, air-conditioned, carpeted affairs and family-friendly. This studio and this specific instructor, however, were decidedly “old school.” The bare wooden floors had no padding; there was no ventilation, and it smelled like the stale sweat of ages of rigorous training sessions. The instructor's overriding philosophy basically boiled down to this: “Punish the body to strengthen the heart and the mind.” The regimen was intense and grueling, the pace insane. More often than not I would arrive home with my body a mass of bruises and swollen parts. My mother took one look at me and asked, “You actually pay someone to do this to you?” My only answer was, “I have to.”

One exceptionally hot summer day early in my training, the sensei closed all of the windows and turned on the heat. It was the middle of August, and outside the streets of our small town baked in the heat. He pushed us to our body’s very limits, drilling us mercilessly in basic kicks, punches, and blocks. People began to drop. One became sick. Several others, who could go no further, sat on a bench reserved for spectators. With no air conditioning or fan to cool us, the temperature was in the high eighties when we started, but must have soared to 110 degrees in the training room. Cruel? Maybe. Unhealthy? Most definitely. Unthinkable in this more warm and fuzzy era? Absolutely. One didn’t pay much attention to the possibility of dehydration or heat stroke in those days. Yet such severe training forged my will and my discipline like steel. Through the sweat, sore muscles, aches, pain and blood I grew stronger. 

I was building my arsenal. Remember that phrase; it will be important soon.

A year or two later I performed in a Fourth of July karate demonstration at Tunkhannock Area High School, the very scene of much of my torment. By sheer coincidence, sitting in the audience  was the trucker whose slap had been the catalyst that sent me on this path. I had since moved on from the job at the trucking company and, though I never really forgot about him I went on with my life, putting my thoughts of revenge into a dusty corner of my mind.

It was a bright day; hot and full of sunshine. During my part of the demonstration I was scheduled to break several cinder slabs with kicks and punches. The segment culminated with me using my head to shatter two that were stacked one atop the other. Head breaks are always crowd pleasers when they work (and comically gruesome when they don’t) and that one went off exactly as planned. The audience loved it and I thought nothing further of it, until days later when I engaged in conversation with a woman who had a mutual friendship with the aforementioned truck driver and me. She let me know that she had been speaking with him and asked if, having seen my performance, he would want to slap me now. He emphatically said “No.” 

At that moment I realized that I had changed, that I was no longer the kind of person who would be a victim to anyone. To this day, I don’t think that trucker knows or understands how large a compliment he paid me; for without throwing a single punch or kick at him, without resorting to violence of any kind, I had, in a fashion, earned his respect. 

The point is: It was not breaking the cinder slabs that made the difference in his thinking; it was my change in attitude, my perception of who and what I was. I had grown stronger mentally as well as physically, and it showed in the way I walked and carried myself. My head was held high, my shoulders squared. CHARACTER – who you are -- I tell the children in my seminars, is the essence of the Martial Arts, and it makes all of the difference in the world. It was the key weapon in the arsenal I mentioned previously. The arsenal, I discovered, was filled with as many mental weapons as physical.

Bullying is an epidemic in this country, and indeed, the world. It is, however, too often a "silent epidemic" as many kids are reluctant to speak with parents or school officials; this may be due to shame, embarrassment, having been threatened, or fear of being seen as a squealer.  

There is an alternative to taking one’s own life; there is a pathway out of the darkness. While Martial Arts were my chosen path, I respect that may not be the way for everyone. Every child is unique, and for every child there is a unique answer. Through education, kids who are bullied must be made aware that there is hope. 

Before we can find the answers we must ask the right questions of our children. We must step up and accept responsibility for our kids, even during the times they claim not to want our help. As parents, educators, authority figures we must open our eyes to the problem and take away some of its power by shining a light on it. We must get involved. 

Scattering the shadows, real or perceived, means that the abuse is no longer suffered in secrecy.

(This article first appeared in a slightly altered form in the November 2010 edition of the “A Mindful Journey” blog. Copyright, November 20, 2010 by Gary R. Barnes. All rights reserved.)

A Kindness Checklist

So you think that performing Random Acts of Kindness is a great idea (I do too!) but you don't know where to start. Here is a checklist of possible activities. You can do these for friends, family members even complete strangers (remember, though, if you are a younger student make sure Mom and Dad are there to supervise).

None of these take a lot of time, or cost a lot of money (most, in fact, cost nothing). The point is that Kindness is often found in the small gestures, the little things that someone does unexpectedly that can change a person's day.

Now ... get out there and change the world! I believe you will.

• Open the door for someone.
• Give a helping hand when you see someone carrying a lot of stuff.
• Give a homeless person your leftovers from a restaurant.
• Purchase a some umbrellas, blankets, ponchos at a dollar store and keep it in your trunk – when it’s a rainy/cold day, find a person who needs it and give them one.
•  Give a lottery ticket to a stranger.
• Leave anonymous thank you notes to teachers.
• Invite a friend to the movies or dinner.
• Put change in a vending machine.
• Leave a book you have already finished somewhere for someone else to read.
• Drop off a toy or game at a homeless shelter.
• Pay for a bridge toll for the person behind you.
• Send someone a small gift anonymously.
• Drop off flowers at your friend or neighbor’s house.
• Buy a meal for a homeless person.
• Buy a movie ticket for the person behind you in line.
• Pay for someone’s meal behind you at a fast-food drive-thru.
• Write an inspirational note to someone who needs inspiration.
• Send a card to someone in the military overseas.
• Put something you no longer need on craigslist.org for free.
• Drop off a toy or game at a hospital.
• At the post office, leave some extra stamps at the stamp machine.
• Buy a phone card and give to a homeless shelter for them to give to someone.
• Open the phone book, pick a name, and send them something (movie tickets, thank you card, book, etc.) anonymously.
•  Take flowers to a hospital ward and give them to someone who hasn’t had any visitors.
• Drop off teddy bear to police department to give to traumatized children.
• Drop a few coins in an area where children play, where they can easily find them.
• Write letters of appreciation to groups who are helping the community, the environment, etc.
• Go to a tourist spot and offer couples/families to take their pictures with their camera.
• If you know someone who is having a hard time financially, pop $5, $10 or $20 in an envelope, disguise your writing or type the envelope, and mail it to them.
•  Tape some change to a payphone with a card saying it is for whoever needs it.
• Write anonymous, loving post-its for strangers to find.
• At a restaurant, pay for a table’s lunch or dinner anonymously.
• Pay for someone’s groceries.
• Volunteer your time at a non-profit organization.
• Smile!
• Acknowledge the cashier who’s helping you and genuinely ask them how they’re doing.
• Wave back to children who wave at you.
• Say hello.
• Reach an item off a high shelf for someone.
• Give up your seat to someone who needs it more.
• Remove debris or other obstacles from a road or path.
• If you arrive at a stop sign at the same time as another driver, let them go first.
• Pay someone a compliment.
• Help someone with their groceries or bags.
• Offer to help an elderly neighbor with their household chores.
• Call a friend randomly and let them know you’re thinking of them.
• Bring a treat to work to share with your coworkers.

So You Say You Want a Revolution

From April 9, 1775 to September 3 1783 -- 8 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, and 1 day -- a rag-tag collection of Colonial American Patriots took up arms and fought against British oppressors to, ultimately, secure the sovereignty and freedom of the United States of America. 

I am calling for another Revolution against a foe no less dangerous, intractable and oppressive -- perhaps more so -- than the British of two centuries ago. 

We live in a culture which increasingly places profits above people; objectifies women in song, and reduces them to body parts on screen and in advertising; sells young girls on a standard of beauty that is not only unhealthy, but outright dangerous; in which bored thugs play the so-called "knockout game" for entertainment; in which elected officials routinely lie, cheat, and stick it to their constituents -- and in which voters have become so apathetic as to see this unethical behavior as merely the price of doing business. 

We live in a society that lifts overpaid, spoiled athletes and actors above teachers and healers; in which our racial and cultural differences are a source of division and divisiveness, rather than viewed with pride as a source of what makes this Nation great; in which we belittle others for being "this" or "that", instead of recognizing that "we" are all "One". 

     

I am not some starry-eyed, hippy, peace-freak, flower child ... I am simply a man, a father, a husband-to-be, a friend, a lifelong Martial Artist who is old enough and who has amassed enough life experience to recognize a fundamental problem in this world ... 

The problem: coldness. Callousness. A deep-seated lack of respect. For ourselves. For each other. For our world. I do not know how the world got to be this way or where, exactly, it went off the rails. I don't think anyone can point a finger at a single reason. 

I do know that there is a solution. 

A Kindness Revolution. 

This idea is neither new, nor original to me, but it is worthwhile. The more people who take up the challenge, the greater the effect. As a growing Martial Arts Studio, we are in a unique position to bring such a Revolution to fruition. 

 Instead of shouldering muskets like our forebears, our weapons will be awareness and compassion. Our duty, our mission, is to take this lesson out of the Dojo and into our community, to perform Acts of Kindness -- for our friends, families, neighbors, even (especially) strangers -- with no expectation of either thanks or payment. We do it simply because it is the right thing to do. Our fervent goal is that others witness our example, or benefit from our actions, and pay it forward. Like a pebble tossed into a still pool, our kind actions ripple outward, one act propelling another and another and another, each building on the previous until it becomes a tidal wave. 

The compassion of the individual becomes the compassion of the family ... becomes the compassion of the neighborhood ... becomes the compassion of the town or city ... becomes the compassion of the county ... state .... nation ... world. 

This is not a mere dream. All great movements begin with a thought, a belief that it can and must be accomplished. It must be given more than lip service or a token effort. It requires action and consistency. 

It is work, no doubt. But, as the saying goes, if it was easy, everyone would do it. Nonetheless, the movement need not start with some grand, sweeping gesture. Start small: anonymously pay for some one's coffee; mow some one's lawn; carry their groceries; wash their car; carry a classmate's books; shovel snow from a neighbor's walk; anything, really, that lightens the burden of another or otherwise brightens their day. 

Even one determined person, working alone, can make a huge difference. Imagine if one person -- you, perhaps -- performed just 3 Random Acts of Kindness per day ... that would be 21 per week ... 84 per month ... 1, 008 per year. And if we started at age 10 and lived an average of 83 years, that would be 73, 584 Random Acts of Kindness over the course of a single lifetime. 

What kind of effect would that have upon your school, job, community? 

What about a group of 100 people -- a Martial Arts Studio, for instance -- unified, doing the same thing? 300 Random Acts of Kindness per day ... 2,100 per week ... 8,400 per month ... 100, 800 per year ... and an ASTOUNDING 7, 358, 400 over the course of an average life. 

Envision the kind of world that would be!!

These numbers are definitely achievable!! 

I, for one, am tired of living in a cold, uncaring, often cruel world. But rather than sit back and complain, I am committed to fighting back with Kindness. 

I would like to invite you, my students, adults and kids alike, to join me; after all, the ultimate aim of the Martial Arts is the perfection of one's character. 

By requiring Acts of Kindness for progression through the ranks, it is my sincere hope and desire that we develop Kindness as a habit. Our tiny Studio can become the catalyst for a massive groundswell of local positivity. 

People may not remember the things you say or even the things you do, but they will always remember how you made them feel. At the end of the day, a legacy of Kindness, my friends, changes lives, and that is a great thing indeed. 

More Than One Victim When It Comes to Bullies ...

Bullies affect ALL of us. 

The tragic story of Jeremiah Lasater is one that hammers home the reason why so much of our class discussion focuses on dealing with bullies. This is the first in an ongoing number of articles that will deal with this important, powerful subject. 

I know from personal experience that no one is immune to such treatment. It can happen to anyone and for any reason. We here in NEPA, are not immune; as recent stories on the evening news will attest, bullying happens all too frequently.

One of our goals is to instill an inner strength in our kids that discourages bullies. This, combined with education of the nature and effect of bullies and bullying, is but one step in dealing with, and hopefully eradicating, this epidemic.

Additionally, it is our duty as Martial Artists to step-up and help defend those who cannot, for whatever reason, defend themselves. That doesn’t necessarily mean fighting; but being a friend, a good listener, a helping hand.

http://www.npr.org/2014/01/31/268996343/when-jeremiah-couldnt-take-more-bullying-he-took-his-life

What is "The Art of Living"?

 "Martial arts practice; ethics; redefining self-defense; and taking the practice of Martial Arts out of the Dojo and into the World ... " -- Tom Callos, 6th Dan

Those goals are shared by Barnes Martial Arts.

When I was a young boy, someone who was bullied throughout my grade school and high school years, my impression of Martial Arts came mostly from watching Chuck Norris' movies. Those movies were pure escapism! I could imagine myself dispatching my foes with the same ease and ferocity that Mr. Norris did. It wasn't until later, when I actually enrolled in Martial Arts classes, I began to see that there was more -- MUCH MORE -- to the Arts than learning how to kick butt!

My training was tough and very physical, my instructor extremely demanding; but underlying every sore muscle, every bruise, every ache and pain, were deeper lessons of perseverance, honor, integrity, focus, and personal discipline. To me, these were warrior qualities that were missing in the world.

Still later, when I opened my first studio, I began to see an even bigger picture ... of how the Martial Arts could be a springboard for greater possibilities.

My teachers always stressed that Martial Arts are a way of life. And that is certainly true. But they are beyond that ... Martial Arts ARE life itself, and to incorporate their practice into our daily existence, to draw breath every day and to find and maintain our place in this world is the Art of Living.

Awhile ago I read something written by Tom Callos, a 6th degree Black Belt and internationally recognized authority on the Martial Arts. Tom is one of the loudest, funniest, most persistent voices in the martial arts community for things that represent the best of the best we can be as martial artists. He champions things like anger management training, dietary self-defense, community engagement, peace education, environmental issues, philanthropy, leadership training, transparent and ethical business practices, and any number of issues that stand for the "good stuff" in the martial arts community.

Anyway, many years ago, Tom wrote to Rosa Parks, the black woman who, by a singular act of defiance --refusing to give up her seat on a bus to a white person -- sparked the Civil Rights movement. He wrote to her, I suppose, to tell her how much he admired her and what a difference her example had made. In 1993, Ms. Parks wrote back. Her letter made Tom wonder if 100 martial arts MASTERS could, collectively, equal the power to influence, and make positive changes in the world as did the diminutive 42-year-old seamstress who, that historic day, simply refused to give up her seat.  

I am proud to say that in a small way, I am affiliated with Mr. Callos; we share the same Vision of the Martial Arts. I believe that we all – but ESPECIALLY Black Belts (AND Black Belts in Training!) – have a responsibility to our world; to leave it a better place than we found it.

Like Mr. Callos, our mission is to use all of our skills, experience, and determination to re-define the role of Martial Arts teachers, students and schools in today’s world.

To do that Barnes Martial Arts strives to redefine the meaning and definition of “self-defense.” In short – EVERYTHING is self-defense. Everything from understanding issues such as healthy eating, dietary health issues (diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc.), gender discrimination, violence, non-violent conflict resolution, leadership, bullying, and a number of other topics that make us smarter, better leaders and teachers, and more important, participating members of our communities and this world. It all counts – and as I learned early in my Martial Arts career, the “food” that enters our minds and Spirits is equally important as the food that enters our bodies.  

So welcome to "The Art of Living" -- the Official Blog of Barnes Martial Arts...

In these pages you will find informative articles, videos, and links designed to enhance not only your experience at our Studio, but to spark thinking and hopefully, action.

Consider this blog to be the digital, online newsletter of our Studio ... and so much more.

It is going to be an EPIC journey. I am so glad to have you along with me.